let's sail away...

it just doesn't make sense to me.

"you were supposed to be with me, you were always supposed to be with me."
or so the story was supposed to go...


( and nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out... )

He didn't mean it, that thing he said about forever.
I could've asked him to stay, but i let him get on that train.

i realize now that i have changed SO much over the past say year and a half or so. like the person i used to be almost makes me sick. i remember a specific conversation i had with a specific person about this time two years ago and i wish i would have listened then. it would have saved me so much regret and so much heartache. i just wanna go back and say you're right and change things. haha, oh boy. idk, its just been on my mind recently i guess.


all i can say, i should've said.

Wow, um i haven't written in this thing in ages. Um, life's been pretty crazy. 21st b-day, work, school, partying. The past few months have been a blur. But i'm happy and glad that its finally getting warm out! Bed, bath, and beyond isn't so bad anymore. Just a ton of crazy customers to deal with. haha. Other than that stuff, i'm just preparing for summer and all the fun stuff i'll have going on soon. Like my trip to york next weekend. new found glory with faves and disney on ice with dana. Sarah sands will be in jersey in may and i will see her for sure, cause its her 21st b-day!!! Also, tay swift in june and amusement parks with beks. And oc with amy. I just want it to be summer already. And there are also so many good movies coming out like in the next few months. Its just all so exciting. And i want it to be november so i can see new moon. hahah.


( ben's, 21st, bourbon... )

tell me, how does that feel?
with the grand canyon between me and you.
tell me, how does that feel... to see me waving goodbye.

"true love was forever lost. the prince was never coming back to kiss me awake from my enchanted sleep. i was not a princess, after all. so what was the fairytale protocol for other kisses? the mundane kind that didn't break any spells..." - new moon.

even when i'm just reading a random book i find something that reminds me of you. lovely.

but,
i'm beginning to see a pattern.
this week last year was probably one of the hardest i ever lived through and ironic that this year it all happens again, a little different, but the same principles. after this weekend and all the bullshit surrounding my life, i'm beginning to feel more alone than ever. i just don't know who i can count on these days. i'm sick of my job, and people's bullshit. my poor car needs to be repaired after i stupidly got into an accident. my friends are acting weird and distant. and sadly, feelings that i thought i was over have somehow resurfaced this weekend and opened an old wound. i need something different, or some one different. the rut i've been stuck in for the past months needs to just end. all of this negative energy needs to go away. i want to go back to being that happy, carefree person i always was, all the time. not just some of the time like it is now.

although, i've begun to read the twilight book series and they're pretty cool. very addicting. so that'll keep me occupied for a bit. and the movie was so good. =)


its like i checked into rehab;
cause baby you're my disease.

new job = ridic. its so much to remember and get used to. i feel overwhelmed when i'm there. haha. we'll see where it goes i guess. but right now, its pretty crappy.

my sister comes home today! =) i'm so happy. i missed her, even though i really enjoyed having max for a week or so.

also, i'm addicted to old school beverly hills 90210 reruns. i dvr them every day! hahah. my life has become so pathetic.


( last weekend ish... )


we're driving down the road, i wonder if you know,
i'm trying so hard not to get caught up now.
but you're just so cool... run your hands through your hair.
absentmindedly making me want you.

The wedding day has finally passed. it was a long and stressful day, and people being unreliable was not cool, but besides that it was beautiful. My sister looked so pretty and every thing went so well. Well, other than the priest that you couldn't understand. haha. I made it through about the second sentence of my toast and started crying, i couldn't help it. I mean i only have one big sister! I also got to see a lot of people i don't see very often which was nice, and i got to spend time with my family and all the people that matter. I'm very happy for Laurel and Will... and we get Max for a whole two weeks, which is the most exciting part. :P

Congrats to them! <3

( wedding pictures! )

My toast:
"Good evening everyone! For any one who doesn't know me, I am Laurel's one and only baby sister, Allison.

First and foremost, I want to offer my congratulations to Laurel and Will because this will be a day that they'll remember forever.

I have always looked up to Laurel and admired her for being such a stong and beautiful individual. I have never doubted her or her judgement and of course, I was always a bit of a pain in her butt. Since we we were kids, Laurel has taught me many things... how to tie my shoes, how to shop for a bargain, how to drive, how to stick up for myself, how to properly kick someone to the curb, but most importantly how to find happiness, which her and Will have done. I could not see her with any one else for the rest of her life. Don't get me wrong, 'Lolo' certainly had to kiss a few frogs to get here today, but its a wonderful thing that Will and Laurel have and its once in a lifetime. I have no doubt that Will is going to protect, cherish, and love my big sister. And I also have no doubt that my big sister will love and cherish Will, not to mention boss him around a little as well. Laurel, you are my best friend and my favorite person in the whole world, and I know sometimes we bicker, but i just want you to know I love you and I wish you two all the happiness in the world and I hope you have a long and wonderful marriage. To two people I love very much. This is for you.

Congratulations!"


Side note: Also, i can't believe its been a year since Sarah was here and we went to WV and NJ to see j5. Wow, like thats insane. Ohhh nostalgia.


and don't forget to vote tomorrow!!
NOBAMA!!!!

@ bed, bath, and beyond.
finally. so happy to be out of rita's.
haha.

"what i wanted? i wanted you to fight for me. i want you to say that there's no one else that you could ever be with, that you'd rather be alone than without me. i wanted the boy from the beach that night telling the whole world that he's the one for me. . ."

oh my, that is how i'm feeling right about now. funny how the tables turn.


besides that.
this week is going to be fun. =)
and i'm excited.


( pumpkins! )

i let them back in and thus it began. i can't believe its been a whole year. how does it go so fast? i wouldn't say i miss them, but i do miss how happy i was when i was around them. they brought me and my bestest together 6 years ago. they changed my life. i still can't believe its been over for a year since that day.

( this time last year i was with you... )


Promise me. That's all I want.  Just a promise that you will never forget me. Tell me I changed you somehow. Let me know that I had an impact on your life. Promise me that you will always remember me.  Losing you was hard enough, but I don't want to go on knowing I meant absolutely nothing to you.

my sister's wedding is so soon! i got my dress back today, shortened and dry cleaned and perfect. i bought the cutest dress for the rehearsal  dinner. so i'm set for everything. i'm so excited! also, essex blows. just throwing it out there. i can't wait to go back to harford. spring can't come fast enough.

side note: i hope i meet a cute boy this winter and that it snows a lot. haha, random.



( legally blonde, parties, bachelorette party! )


nothing can save you now that its over.
i guess that you'll find out when you're no one.
don't say you're sorry now cause i just don't care.